This seems incredibly cliche and very 8th grade diary but a lot has happened since I last posted anything. I have thought several times about posting notes from great sermons or reflections. Nothing seemed overly pressing to share. Some things were just too personal....God's been working on me a lot especially with trust...I clearly must be missing something b/c I've seen this lesson before....
In an outpouring of His grace, God has once again given me some of the most wonderful, encouraging and steadfast sisters I have ever met. A couple of them in particular have been so sacrificial and patient as they've listened to me process and try to figure out what God has in mind... (yea.... I'll eventually learn my lesson about that one....HA!)
One wise sister reminded me that its ok to cry out literally and figuratively and tell God you don't understand. Ahh....sweet freedom in Christ! He may not tell us why but He'll grant the grace and peace to bear the load.
God has been truly faithful in the last couple of months to meet me in whatever state I happen to be in at the time....there's been a lot of confusion, anger, sadness and yet more peace than I've ever experienced. I know He's flooded my life with grace as I've asked question after question in prayer time. I can remember being in this mental, emotional place two or three years ago. I don't remember having this much peace about God's sovereignty and confidence that the steps I am taking are ordained though certainly not what I would have chosen.
I have felt a mental and emotional shift. Things that were once so important (even escapes to "home sweet Tiger Town") I'm now beginning to recognize as idols. Letting go and moving towards what God has planned (essentially, the unknown) doesn't mean I no longer appreciate things He's used mightily in my life in the past. My mom used to tell me that you have to hold your hands open for God to put something in them which also leaves open the opportunity for Him to take things away to make room...
He's placed me where I am to make an impact for Him. I've seen that so clearly recently. Aspects of ministry that I've asked Him to allow me to take part in are now being granted but not in the way I would have imagined... so often, I don't feel adequate to take on the challenges He sets before me. Though, I'm beginning to enjoy being trusted to take them on and how He'll equip me.
Being a young, female believer in the workplace, for instance, has presented me with the daily question of how to firmly stand by convictions while still exuding a gentle and quiet spirit and loving on others. I've learned a lot watching other believers of how to relate to others no matter where they are faith-wise. A humbling lesson to say the least. I never imagined myself enjoying an environment that requires such a constant spiritual state of readiness.
Overall, God's good. I know that. There's something about Him that's impossible to turn away from. Even when I disagree with His direction, He's still faithful. Even when all I can do is vent and cry, He's steadfast and full of compassion. Sitting at His feet, hearing Him repeat how much He loves me and has a plan for me has become such a sweet joy and privilege.
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